Maybe the Change Starts with Me

I grew up with two very loving and involved parents, but it is true that my mother was home more and that I confide in her more often than I do my father. Maybe that is just a result of our shared gender, but I’d say the situation is true for all of my siblings. I’m not married and I have no children, but those are both part of my future plans. As I think about what I want my future husband to be like as a person, as a father, and a spouse I think maybe I’m setting him up to be less involved as a father than I am as a mother. Of course I want him to spend time with our children and know them and love them and support them, but I still expect him to be around less than I am.

I have to admit that if it’s financially possible I would love to be able to stay home with my children full-time or as much as possible. That does mean, however, that my husband will be working full-time and thus home less often than I will be. I consider myself to be a modern woman too, I am getting an education so that I can support myself when necessary, and I believe that men are just as capable of raising children as women are. But somewhere amidst all of that I still want to be the one home with the kids.

I think that changing society’s views would be a huge undertaking, but what I can do is work on my own visions of the future. I can do my best to encourage my husband and children to spend time together separately and with the whole family. I can create a feeling of shared parenting even though one of us is more physically present. I cherish my relationship with both of my parents and don’t think that either is lacking, they’re just different. Hopefully my future spouse and I will be able to make those different relationships special and effective too. So maybe the change does start with me.

– Melinda Perkins

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~ by fairydust4ever on December 13, 2009.

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