When Callie falls down at the park she can make her decisions based on how her parents react. Are they screaming in horror and worry? Are they acknowledging and reassuring that the fall isn’t seriously damaging? Or are they dismissing and belittling of her fall despite how upset she is? depending on how her parents react will can influence how Callie reacts in the present and in the future.

1. The Overly-Anxious parent:           If the parents are freaking out in worry, Callie is going to think that she must be dying. What else would merit such reactions? The once tiny but bearable pain will turn into a life-threatening injury. And if her parents are worried about it enough to freak out than she must too. She relies on her parents to be the adults, the strong ones.

2. The Dependable Reassuring Parent:              This parent has the ability to calm and sooth the child by reassuring the child that while he/she noticed the horrible incident, the child was still OK and there was no need for worry. Callie would feel safe despite the pain though she might return to her safety base just to be sure. When she is reassured that everything is alright she would return back to playing. This type of reaction creates a secure base for Callie and she’d be able to use it in the future relationships.

3. The Dismissing and Unconcerned Parent:              Not only does this parent fail to make Callie feel safe and secure, but also fails to give her a secure base to reach out from. What point was there in having a secure base if the base didn’t make a person feel secure? Callie would feel anxious and stressed. While she might not act out her fears and anxiety she still feels these emotions with no one there to rely on. If she begins to cry and act upset and the parents tell her to grow up and stop acting like a baby, then the child is bound to feel unloved and unworthy to be loved which could extend into adulthood.

I think how a parent reacts in these situations can show how the parents have attached their children to them.

Emily Blackburn


~ by tidaemily on October 17, 2009.

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